My take ( albeit satirical ) on the books written ,and read now a days
This tutorial is about writing a fun book.
Typically defined as a book which is mostly only author finds funny.
In some cases,not even author.
But have you ever wondered why the top brains from topmost schools in the country decide to write such stuff when obviously they are capable of much much more?
Well for the simple reason.
It sells.
And there is nothing wrong with writing such books ( perfect business sense if you ask me ) nor reading them ( of course I cant say there is, I have read them,haven’t I 
)
No judgement what so ever from my end.
So this is the point where I stop and tell you the secret (DUH!!!) recipe to writing books like 5 pt someone,DORK,I love you mam, 2 states etc. etc.( there are lots more,take my word on that)
1) Now this is a pre condition.You have to,I stress (Ctrl-B,Ctrl-I,Ctrl-U) you/ your central character, has to be from top 10 schools in the country.
Different streams are okay but its always better if it is a B-School.
2)Your academic record prior to entering the intimidating corridors of your college has to be impeccable.
In conjunction,you have to,Ctrl-B eeing again,mess up your college scores.
Various reasons could be used to explain that.
a) Suddenly, the system does not makes sense.(Even though you were a part of it all your life)
b) A prof. tries to stifle your creativity
c) It is precisely at this juncture in your life that you feel that there has to be girl in your life.
(more on that later)
3) So, great school,bad scores,check.Next is a group of friends who have to,(stress time) feel exactly the same.In short,you guys are card carrying “System is screwed” kinda guys.
4) A diminutive physical appearance is a must.Unkempt,shabby,pot-bellied,glassy ( not stoned,this glassy is coz of your glasses…DUH!!) are the keywords which describe you appearance.
5) Armed with point above, you somehow prove to be a chic magnate,only to attract the most gorgeous girl in the whole insti (yes,you have to call it INSTI).
Reasons for the lady being wooed by you,wait for it..UNKNOWN!!! ( wasn’t that obvious???)
6)The smartest ( academic wise or whichever way ) guy has to be a LOSER!!You got that right…
A loser.
Even if he had a 99.99%age or %tile and is like a dude for common junta (he plays football,leads the debating team,wins the competition etc) he has to be a total sycophant,mean spirited dolt.
Again,reason behind it,you ask?
Well,you are hero of the book.Isn’t that big enough a reason????
7)You will never,repeat,never ever get the job you wanted.
That is to say :
a) You think you are at the wrong place already ( You were going to become a movie director but landed here..)
b) The company you wanted to work with hires the LOSER in point 6 ( Darn the 99 %tiler )
You settle for the next best and get through the interview solely by either downright flattery or as the case often is STUPIDITY!!!
That is to say your type of humor is called DUMB humor,I hope that clears the air
9) Meanwhile,you continue fighting for,or keep trying to get the attention of the Diva in point 5.
(At the same time you got to keep getting positive vibes from some other girl at your workplace,actually,you are hallucinating )
10) You finally realize that your job SUCKS.Hold on,actually,you knew that right from day one.
You could make it official by resorting to one of the following stratergies :
a) Get really really sloshed and shout it in bosses/partners face ( the higher the position of the guy you choose to yell at,the better).
Mind you,it has to only the Indian boss who should be the bad guy.Works better that way.
Repeat after me. Indian boss,the bad guy,guy in US,good guy
.b) Write/Email/Message/Upload in form of video/audio a personal sort of monologue which by an accident goes to the whole organization.OOPS!!!
Again,preferably,under the influence of an intoxicant (Choice of that is upto you,write to me for a list of best ones)
11) The end…You get the girl,get the job (usually with a promotion and a raise) or in the tragic case of you losing the job,you finally decide to do what you wanted.PHEW…
To wind up,I leave you with these extra pointers
(non functional sort of requirements,nonetheless,important)
-> Protagonist needs to be fluent with use of subtances ( read as substance abuse ).
Again,get back to me for the list.
-> The relatives need to be a major pain in your life.
-> Parents somehow cannot be normal parents.Excessively strict dad,exceedingly cloy mom should do.
-> Don’t be afraid of using swear words.Spill them where you deem them fit ( or unfit for that matter)
-> A word on your professors,at max one good prof allowed per book.
I cannot believe I have shared so much gyan with you.Now when you get your book published
a)Add my name to the credits.Keep swear words far away from that page.Mind you.
b)A bit of royalty sharing wont hurt me.
Reach out to me at doofus@iwannawriteacrappybook.com for any sort of assistance.
No comments:
Post a Comment