I guess I understand mom

He is not picking up the phone.

He is not picking up the phone.

Dude,pick it up man,pick up the darn phone.

I guess,he has kept it on silent mode.Somebody suggested,not quite believing it though.

May be he has'nt left from home.Right?

He said that even though he knew that he had.

Must have been sleeping and his phone is in other room.

Really?

But I talked to him in the morning,he said he was on his way to work.

Silence.No more explanations.The faces said it all.

This cannot be happening.Not again.I don't think i can take it anymore.

"You" cannot do this to any of us again!!!

Finally he called,and for a second,i felt like somebody lifted a huge boulder over my chest.

And as this incident,struck me hard,real hard ,as an image flashed across my mind,mom scolding me.

Remember,the school days,you used to reach home,bruised and scarred. And on the top of it,mom's literal atyachar.

Spirit solution being applied over the wounds with a barrage of questions.

Berating the way you play (it was always during a game right,"the excuse" for getting hurt,even if you met with a minor accident on your way back home or indulged into a battle for god knows what reasons)

Asking you obvious questions like,were'nt you looking that there was a pipe on the ground,what sport do you play,Cricket or wrestling (wrestling was the correct answer by the way)

Or making these really smart observations like pointing out those faint bite marks on your hand (courtesy your "friend") and finding out that your shorts were torn in a wierd way during the stated process of "just slipping" when you had your shorts tangled up and mutilated in a barbed fence.

I for one used to find the whole ordeal,the whole "getting worried about a minor bruise" thing really irritating.

Even more when the whole episode would be narrated to dad when he got home,of course with all of mom's sharp observations (dang :)).

I used to question (strictly a soliloquy,muted one over that) mom and dad.

a)How can somebody be so uncool? (i was an angry kid back then)

b)Why is small trickle of blood being made such a big issue when our country got freedom because those millions were not bothered that blood was oozing from the bruises that they had sustained?( i was philosophical and smart kid back then)

c)Why do i have to suffer from the twin effects of that buring spirit solution and lectures?I mean,for the love of god,getting a bruise (and losing that fight) itself is not bad enough?

Just after these smart questions (gee) I used to make promises.

a) I will be the coolest parent on the face of this planet.That is to say,I wont give a hoot if my kid comes all bruised up or something.

b) I will be the coolest parent on the face of this planet.That is to say,I wont give a hoot if my kid comes all bruised up or something.

c)I will be the coolest parent on the face of this planet.That is to say,I wont give a hoot if my kid comes all bruised up or something.

d)I will be the coolest parent on the face of this planet.That is to say,I wont give a hoot if my kid comes all bruised up or something.

I used to say it 4 times.Just for emphasis.

But mom,dad,I guess I wont ask these questions again,not to you and not to any parent.

And my promise to myself about being the coolest parent,and not giving a hoot thing,I take that back too.

Why???

I don't know if i can atriculate it real well such that it reaches you the way i want it to reach.

To make it simpler,I guess i have turned totally uncool.Guess life makes you that way.

Or to be candid,i believe i have realized what is the fear of losing.

Losing someone around whom all your whole world revolved.

Not just your smiles and peals of laughter,but your disappointment and anguish too.

Not just your hopes and aspirations but your failures and shortcomings too.

Everything was in and around that one.

Mom,that bruise was not just a scratch for you right?That trickle was not just a trickle of blood from a minor bruise.

It was the fear,a demon which haunts us all.Fear of loss.

Losing a friend who was more than a brother,and with him losing a part of your life,losing that smile,those fights,those wise cracks,those sneers.

And even a thought that it could happen again…

That chapter from the book of life gone.Those pages missing,without words,but with an indication that those pages were there and they gave you a meaning,and with those pages amiss,life will never be the same.

I do understand mom,I guess now I do understand.