This is a darn intriguing story…believe me. It involves "ME" and "GYM" (okay, no correlation here but what the heck, most of the good ones don't have any)
Actually it's not about me. It's about my gym buddy. I bet that's gonna make it interesting. Darn, it's so difficult to lie.
Anywho , the adventure began (i.e. just "ME" and "GYM" part…buddy was not there then) when by sheer stroke of chance or lets say misfortune or my friends tongue in cheek comment about my physique jolted me or if I remember it properly, I jolted the weighing machine which I happen to victimize .I hope I won't be sued by fitness freaks for using the word "physique", you know, I was just not in the best of shapes then (not that situation is any better now), even though sphere is my favorite, people just don't concur when I try to elucidate that I am as fit and kicking (tumbling and rolling) as a sphere with perfect radius. Darn misanthropes or even better, darn spherothropesTM (this goes to all my comrades there) …
I am just gonna beat around the bush for like a para or so before I actually start talking about my gym buddy, solely bantering about me and sprinkling it with few quips about gym and junta who comes there ( or joins and never comes ). Ha Ha , you the reader is under my spell , I am the king , I will make you read every crappy word before I start talking about my gym buddy. Hey no, don't leave the page, I am suffering from not a very acute case of megalomania, just like Dogbert (Dilbert's pet dog), but unlike him I get these attacks only when I write, otherwise I am perfectly normal (oh, stop it you cynic, don't look at the word normal with such disbelief)
This was my first day experience of the "GYM" .I was actually able to propose a definition ( How cool is that, one hour in the gym , 1.5 drops of sweat and a wacky definition for the word already defined). I hope they add it into any inaccurate dictionary, and I don't mind the cyber space.
"GYM" ( gEm , gime, gyyyyym-dude ) [ I take full guarantee of the phonetics…yes all of them are wrong, but they are the coolest ones]
- 1) Place where people lift really heavy stuff and drop it, mostly the latter for abysmal myriad reasons.
- 2) Habitat of Spheriods TM, till they reduce the radius or vanish from the planet earth.
- 3) People who are into anonymous charity and stuff, yes I mean the people who pay up and never turn up.
But contrary to all my notions, people in "GYM" are very eager to help the newbie, or maybe probably betting among themselves, hey who can get this guy's CLAVICLE snapped into two by today, or lets push his CERVICAL VERTEBRAE into his LUMBAR VERTEBRAE (for full description of these fancy bone names and location, check outhttp://www.wikipedia.org/).
I don't know if I am being overly paranoid (what a pleonastic…duh) or it's just normal to think in this light when people smile and raise up the weights from 200 grams (that's my upper threshold) to like 20 kgs when I was trying to breath on that god forsaken metallic devil, or when he counts "Oooonnneeee" when you finished the 13th semi-push up (but it could be lack of primary education too…who knows) or he refuses to take up the weight off your chest while every muscle in your body screams STOP THE ABUSE YOU DOOFUS,U ARE NOT ARNOLD!!!
But still being a deep believer in the goodness of human beings I just condone my enthusiastic friends (got to call them that, they are huge and strong and well, you get the drift rite?)
But no matter what happens with me at the gym, Abuse, Pain, Torture, Fun (that was so that I can be vindicated of blasphemy against my "Friends" (if they happen to read it), by twisting the interpretation of A,P and T words and keeping F word intact ,and I meant fun), my definition of "GYM" can never interpret or define it as a place for a 9-10 year old who wants to work on "Biceps" or "triceps".
Yes, but one smart dad tried to inject this thought into my otherwise sound description of "GYM". 40ish, himself an elite Spheroid TM stormed into the "GYM" one fine day. Carrying that disheveled , just out of the bed look along with a fine groomed young man ( read as young kid…pleonastic-2) all scrubbed and powdered by mom , wearing his best t-shirt with Popeye drawn all over it , white shoes with lights flickering near the ankle as he moved.
The duo took the seat and started the conversation about importance of fitness in our lives. Good, I thought. Spheroid TM has been bitten by the fitness bug, or the heavy medical bill bug or the clogged arteries bug or something of this sort. Well it's never too late. Though in his case he looked a bit late (around 5-10 years I guess) but well who could tame the ever burning human spirit. Also the perverse I was literally on cloud nine that at last there will be someone in the "GYM" whom I will outperform. I will be the king, the ruler , the supreme creation ( oops, the megalomania attack again , but it has happened just once in the "GYM", you got to believe me on that).
I was so happy that I raised the weights pin on all the mechanical devils , of course I didn't work on any of them , but it felt good.
But to my surprise, Spheroid TM left soon leaving the kid behind in the company of "friends". I don't know if I was stupefied or flummoxed by what had just happened but I couldn't refrain my self from staring at the kid and then "friends" and then the machines. I needed so badly to force the thoughts out of my head that even the regular dosage of pain was not enough to curb it. Come to think of it , my regular dosage of pain was not enough to curb anything, not even my body fat. But this was not it , what took me off my feet was the fact that the kid was approaching toward some contraption whose purpose and name are unknown to me till date. But before I could go and stop the kid from using that "thing" some "friend" went near him and was trying to adjust the weights, thereby "helping" the kid .
Facing the predicament I could think only one thing .Rushing past the kid and the "friend" I announced I was working on that whatever-the-name-was. Kid just moved back giving a smile of confusion and "friend" was really happy that I was about to join the big league. Though I am not gonna explain the whole ordeal you can understand it if you have read Calvin's encounter with his bicycle. By the time I was done with the first round or survival of the fittest thing or to be candid, the machine was done with its attempts to crush me I saw the kid venturing again (who now I recall, was standing near me when I was fighting for life and looked all dazed and impressed) to some other messenger of the hell.
He did that 5 times!!! All 5 times he went near the machines with which I had a very amicable past (yes I had never used them, so the word amicable). And there I was again , to help my gym buddy , not to help him to use those but to get him off before he could mount any of them. And as if those machines perfectly following Newton's 3rd law of motion, nicely took revenge against me, causing excruciating pain physically and mentally. By now the kid's expression of serenity were replaced by exasperation. I could tell, my gym buddy was not at all pleased by my efforts to zone him out of anywhere he went. Mean while his dad , yes the Spheroid TM himself, came and took him back. He looked at me once again and it was as if I could decipher all that he had to say.
The expressions on his face were more of the sense of not belonging to that place , "It's boring ", I could hear him say .
As if telling us all, I wanna play games which kids of my age play , I wanna get my hands dirty playing in mud, I wanna run without any reason, not to reduce weight or be fit or something but just because I want to. I don't care about my upper abs , lower abs , biceps and all . Just let me be what I am , a kid .Just let me have what I am entitled to , my childhood. Please stop using me as a beautifying mirror of what you are not. Just let me be myself…let me grow.
Who doesn't wants a gym buddy, someone who could help you to go that extra mile to carry on those extra kgs of metal slabs, one who encourages you to work out better. But as far as my gym buddy is concerned , I don't wanna have him back atleast for now. Let him come back the day when he starts looking like a Spheroid TM or probably before that and workout like a fitness freak but please I could do without a gym buddy, just let him play, let him grow, let him smile….
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