Mangalore Air Crash Victims - RIP

Goes out to all the victims of the tragic air craft crash in Mangalore.

To the families who tuned in to news just like any other day.

To the young who had a promising life ahead.

To the families who lost a loved one.

The pilots who tried but avert the tragedy.

To one, to all.

From a personal experience I presume I can understand the trepidation, anxiety and fear.

Fear of your horrors materializing, fear of hearing the news you never wished were true.

Fear of how would you break the news home.Fear of Loss.

I hope they find out the Data recorder soon and find out the technical glitch which led to the crash.

Hope that they fix it so that never again such an accident recurs.

Just a thought that hit me today.

In spite of the cutting edge technological world we live in today, life is still very fragile.

And air travel is still perhaps one of the most,if not the risky events.

I hope again that soon we have technology that helps save human lives.

Prevent the sanctity of life from just becoming another number in a newspaper.

Whether it be changing the material we use for creating the bodies of aircraft.Of course I am ignorant to the science of aircraft design, but i wonder why don’t we use the same material being used to construct a black box to create the full body.

Or for that matter make the body less prone to catch fire and explode.

Or probably have such advanced controls where in the ATC ( air traffic controller ) takes a control of the flight in case of any signs of distress from pilot are sent.

Agreed they seem a bit far fetched and too imaginative to say the least, but I guess the victims of the crash would not find them outrageous.

Because nothing is more unreasonable than losing a loved one.Isn’t it?

RIP

Wanna write a Best seller?

My take ( albeit satirical ) on the books written ,and read now a days

This tutorial is about writing a fun book.

Typically defined as a book which is mostly only author finds funny.

In some cases,not even author.

But have you ever wondered why the top brains from topmost schools in the country decide to write such stuff when obviously they are capable of much much more?

Well for the simple reason.

It sells.

And there is nothing wrong with writing such books ( perfect business sense if you ask me ) nor reading them ( of course I cant say there is, I have read them,haven’t I )

No judgement what so ever from my end.

So this is the point where I stop and tell you the secret (DUH!!!) recipe to writing books like 5 pt someone,DORK,I love you mam, 2 states etc. etc.( there are lots more,take my word on that)

1) Now this is a pre condition.You have to,I stress (Ctrl-B,Ctrl-I,Ctrl-U) you/ your central character, has to be from top 10 schools in the country.

Different streams are okay but its always better if it is a B-School.

2)Your academic record prior to entering the intimidating corridors of your college has to be impeccable.

In conjunction,you have to,Ctrl-B eeing again,mess up your college scores.

Various reasons could be used to explain that.

a) Suddenly, the system does not makes sense.(Even though you were a part of it all your life)

b) A prof. tries to stifle your creativity

c) It is precisely at this juncture in your life that you feel that there has to be girl in your life.

(more on that later)

3) So, great school,bad scores,check.Next is a group of friends who have to,(stress time) feel exactly the same.In short,you guys are card carrying “System is screwed” kinda guys.

4) A diminutive physical appearance is a must.Unkempt,shabby,pot-bellied,glassy ( not stoned,this glassy is coz of your glasses…DUH!!) are the keywords which describe you appearance.

5) Armed with point above, you somehow prove to be a chic magnate,only to attract the most gorgeous girl in the whole insti (yes,you have to call it INSTI).

Reasons for the lady being wooed by you,wait for it..UNKNOWN!!! ( wasn’t that obvious???)

6)The smartest ( academic wise or whichever way ) guy has to be a LOSER!!You got that right…

A loser.

Even if he had a 99.99%age or %tile and is like a dude for common junta (he plays football,leads the debating team,wins the competition etc) he has to be a total sycophant,mean spirited dolt.

Again,reason behind it,you ask?

Well,you are hero of the book.Isn’t that big enough a reason????

7)You will never,repeat,never ever get the job you wanted.

That is to say :

a) You think you are at the wrong place already ( You were going to become a movie director but landed here..)

b) The company you wanted to work with hires the LOSER in point 6 ( Darn the 99 %tiler )

You settle for the next best and get through the interview solely by either downright flattery or as the case often is STUPIDITY!!!

That is to say your type of humor is called DUMB humor,I hope that clears the air

9) Meanwhile,you continue fighting for,or keep trying to get the attention of the Diva in point 5.

(At the same time you got to keep getting positive vibes from some other girl at your workplace,actually,you are hallucinating )

10) You finally realize that your job SUCKS.Hold on,actually,you knew that right from day one.

You could make it official by resorting to one of the following stratergies :

a) Get really really sloshed and shout it in bosses/partners face ( the higher the position of the guy you choose to yell at,the better).

Mind you,it has to only the Indian boss who should be the bad guy.Works better that way.

Repeat after me. Indian boss,the bad guy,guy in US,good guy

.b) Write/Email/Message/Upload in form of video/audio a personal sort of monologue which by an accident goes to the whole organization.OOPS!!!

Again,preferably,under the influence of an intoxicant (Choice of that is upto you,write to me for a list of best ones)

11) The end…You get the girl,get the job (usually with a promotion and a raise) or in the tragic case of you losing the job,you finally decide to do what you wanted.PHEW…

To wind up,I leave you with these extra pointers

(non functional sort of requirements,nonetheless,important)

-> Protagonist needs to be fluent with use of subtances ( read as substance abuse ).

Again,get back to me for the list.

-> The relatives need to be a major pain in your life.

-> Parents somehow cannot be normal parents.Excessively strict dad,exceedingly cloy mom should do.

-> Don’t be afraid of using swear words.Spill them where you deem them fit ( or unfit for that matter)

-> A word on your professors,at max one good prof allowed per book.

I cannot believe I have shared so much gyan with you.Now when you get your book published

a)Add my name to the credits.Keep swear words far away from that page.Mind you.

b)A bit of royalty sharing wont hurt me.

Reach out to me at doofus@iwannawriteacrappybook.com for any sort of assistance.

A Closure???

Life is apparently less happening than it was till a month ago.

There is some time to actually kill by reading whatever I can lay my hands on or even watch the tube.

But then yesterday ( pretty much the complete last week ) woke me up from the slumber.

Finally, we will , as a nation punish a person for not just killing the innocent and waging war against the state, but for leaving a deep deep scar down under the left side pocket.

A person who was so blind with eyes of religious fanaticism that he chose to do something so horrendous to people he did not know, let alone his enemies.

His face showed everything that “Humanity” is afraid of. The expression in the picture clicked by Sebastian D’Souza said it all I guess.

Today there were celebrations, poojas , bursting of fire crackers at a lot of places to welcome the decision. Our heros were Justice Tahalyani and Mr. Ujwal Nikam.

But an equal, or probably even bigger bow to Mr. K P Pawar (Kasab’s lawyer) to uphold our nations values of being true and fair to one and all in the corridors of justice.

But why am I not relieved?Why am I not pleased?Not even a little?

Of course it has been a sort of emotional catharsis for us as a society.But are we done?

Was this a closure to the traumatic tragedy for all of us?

I doubt it.

As much as the victims families believed that justice was served, in no way any of us as a society can call it a closure.

Until we talk to our neighbor and include others and just not talk about another bus or train ( pretty much the words of one of the survivors of the 26/11) and let go of the so called diplomacy ,just for a second try and talk about terrorism with the heartfelt pain and fear which people experienced on that day, I doubt if we will ever achieve a closure.

Let us not have any another DD/MM etched in our memory as a darn terror tale.

Let us not

Government buys IPL team-2(Guest Post)

My sincere thanks goes to all the hard working , dedicated and of course gorgeous looking ladies who are a part of IPL Public relations team (Cheer leaders in short) to make the previous post achieve a landmark of 15!! comments.

That’s probably more than the comment count of all the posts ever written on this blog.

But that’s not all…

It has generated enough traction to encourage my friend Madhusudhanan Palani

to pen down his views too.

He is far too cynical (only here) than I can ever imagine to be :), hence he questioned the very premise of Government being able to buy an IPL team ever!!

And as I read his views, I could help but accept my naivety

Here it goes…and thanks a ton Madhu…

Madhu Says….

Indian Government an IPL team?? Hmmm let me pen my thoughts as well

1) Government announces plan - Opposition party erupts - Protests from “various sections of society” actually speaking its only 3 - 4 communal, regional, religional (don’t know if its even a word, but they should have one) parties

2) Government sets up committee to give recommendation on feasibility & viability

3) Protest from opposition and “various sections of society” on the biased selection of committee members

4)After 2 years of deliberation finally a committee is set up with 2 actors, 1 veteran sports person from a totally unrelated sport (i.e Kabadi, Hockey :P) , 1 social activist, & 4 random people from various sectors of society. Out of which 3 have to be women (33% reservation!!) and BC/OBC/SC&ST quota people. I wonder if these reservations overlap (hmmm..something to ponder upon). So we have a motley group of highly irrelevant & unproductive people.

5)Committee researches

6)Continues researching

7)Still researching

8)After 10 years & 9 months gives a 1223 page report on the feasibility and viability of the scheme

9) New government does not like the idea of old governments idea being implemented and ignores the committee report under piles of similar unfinished schemes

10) After another 4 years old government comes back into power.

11)Digs up this scheme (Don’t ask me why!! )

12)Finds positive recommendation from committee

13)Media glare, various sections society dispute the 1223 page report, point out inconsistencies & questions the integrity of the committee!

14)Government overcomes all sorts of protests & objections to go ahead with project

15)But alas finds that by this time Lalit Modi has already made a helluva lot of money and the team prices have shot up into trillions of dollars!!

Now this whole vicious cycle repeats all over again/Project is buried under piles of paperwork

Government buys IPL team

No they have not.

Just some loud title to catch attention.

But what if they did?

Well I had lot of questions and I decided to pen them.

What if Government of India buys a team in IPL
The following would be my guess :

1) Team name

Believe me, its going to be a huge huge problem.
Obviously they cannot be seen partial to a state or region.
My take on the name?
“AkhilBhartiyaSvatantraSanyuktaDemocraticSecularABitLeftistSocialites”
[All India Independent United ]

2) Team manager

Apart from the PMO (Primeministers office) responsible
for press releases we shall have 28 state team managers ( team of empowered
cheif ministers) plus Honourable Prime minister of India.Total 29.

3) How would the team be financed

That’s sort of obvious isnt it?
Government Bonds (Low yield , high security, maturity period - Infinity)

4) Coach

Same as point 2.No foreign coaches for sure.
i) Minimum age : 60 years (Experience does count)
ii) Should be a polyglot (Fluency in all languages and dialects)
iii) Should have experience in one of the sport listed under official sports list,section A,sub section 2.

5) Team composition

Wont be an all men team.
How dare you?Such chauvinism has no place here.
33% reservation for women,afterall the bill is passed in parliament.
Exception clause : Husbands can come in to bat/field/bowl,but only if ladies agree.

6) Exit strategy

What if the team does not perform well?
That’s simple too.Stick to them for a few seasons, cost tax payers crores of rupees
and then “DISINVEST”.
Send bottom 4 performers to private players who would groom them and we would all be
praising private sectors role in making the country better.

7) Advertisement

Only public service adverts,namely,Sarva Siksha Abhiyan,National Polio mission,
National rural employment gurantee scheme, and probably the likes of Indian oil,Bharat Petroleum,SAIL,Air India and Indian Airlines (They all are public enterprises too)

Cheer girls

You got to be kidding me.Hey,thats not a part of Indian culture okay!!!

9) Guidelines for spectators

Support only country, not state , indirectly only support goes for
“AkhilBhartiyaSvatantraSanyuktaDemocraticSecularABitLeftistSocialites”

10)Player selection

Very important factor.The initial pool of 5000 canditates shall be selected.
After that it would completely be a democratic process.They have to contest elections,pick up their
ballot signs,make speeches and woo the junta with false promises of making runs,taking wickets and winning matches.

11) Foreign Players

Yeah rite!!!!Dream on.However Foreign Direct investments are welcome, subject to tortuous rules and regulations

Thats all I could think of for now.

Meme-Women’s Day…Contd

Thnx for the tag , my first meme ever..

Well I will try and mess it up by not exactly coming up with adjectives…

This would have some women or their roles who have had such huge impact on

each one of us.

A- Aplomb

B-Bharat Mata Ki JAI

C-Congress (Sonia Gandhi , you can say, the way she stood behind the women reservation bill, hats off)

D-Durga

E-Earth (Mother Earth)

F-Fighter

G-Go Getter

H-Harbinger ( of everything thats going to happen with a society ,good or bad)

I-ICICI (Chanda Kochar,the CEO)

J-Jhansi Ki Rani,Rani LakshmiBai

K-Kick A*** ( Sorry for the profanity, but we need a lot of them who do that)

L-Listener ( a very good one over that)

M-Moooooom,my mom

N- Uno Numero

O- Origin

P- President ( Common…how can we forget that)/Pepsi Co (Led by Indra Nooyi)

Q-Quixotic (That’s probably the most difficult quality to have,to stand for your belief,be dreamy)

R-Rugged ( Suman Sharma, became the world’s first woman to fly the mighty Russian MiG-35 fighter jet at the Aero India international air show ,flying at a max of G9,that is 9 times the gravity..take that)

S-Self driven

T-Trusting/Trustworthy

U-Unique

V-Virtuous

W-Winner

X- XX ( normal complement of chromosomes in a female, geee,biology)

Y-Yearning for success

Z- Zestful

Cub reporter reporting : Flash news,Tolerance amiss from country

MF Husain accepts Qatari citizenship.Leaving India for good.
Violence in Shimoga over an article by Tasleema nasreen.2 dead.Curfew imposed.

But that’s something every channel has reported.

But your cub reporter is determined to find the question to the big answer.

So he thought lets do this.
Lets go to people across the social swatch and ask them.
Ask them if they knew what Secularism was,and if that was too technical,
just ask them how tolerant they are.

So your Cub reporter ventured.
Mind you,he was completely geared up.

He donned a face mask to prevent the hatred from getting into his nostrils.

Wrapped a black cloth over his eyes so as to avoid the glare of discrimination.

Shut his ears to block out chants of jingoism and words which are incisive enough
to divide and break him.

First one to meet.
Hey..Heelllo…excuse me…yes,you sir,there in car with a red light on.
Can I get a couple of minutes?
The politico thinking your cub reporter was a tv journalist and this is a great time
for being noticed agreed without much fuss.

Sir, your Party?
Answer :The Eternal Power Mongers
Party symbol?
Ans :Green Chair crushing common man.

Cub : Sir,your favorite religion?

Answer :How dare you!!!!

Cub : I am sorry sir.

Answer: [ Smirks ]That is okay.I have 2 religions.

Majority and Minority.I need votes from both.

Cub: Sir,are you bothered that we are somehow evolving into a more and more intolerant beast

of a society?

Whether it is intolerance towards different views on art,literature,languague,region or religion?

Answer : (smiling) I fully agree.We should not have such different opinions.

Cub : I am sorry sir,didnt quite follow you.

Answer : Tsk,tsk,bacche,its simple,the whole country needs to have only one view.

And that is to vote for us.Once we are in power,that is it.

Forget secularism and tolerance.And as far as MF Husain leaving or people

fighting over what taslima has written,they are not important.I have far

bigger issues to deal with.

Cub : As in ,country’s economy,its borders,and safety of people.

Answer : Yes, my party’s economy,party’s foothold in country and of course,safety of “MY” people.

And you my son,belong to “MY” youth.Don’t you?

By now the cub’s gear is falling out,The mask is already moist and useless.

He is fuming with anger against “Others”.Hate has already seeped in.

His eyes are exposed to a film,a film which has glazed his vision.All he sees is,his people.

Ears are wide open,deluged with chants of “MY” people,”MY” religion,”MY” culture RULES!!!!

That is how long the poor kid could survive.

I am off to look for another cub reporter who would talk to someone,someone like you,someone like me.

Till then,people,just dont rip the country apart.

Thanks a ton!!!
PS : Sorry to Any rand…but that is the maximum of my artistic endeavors.(The pic is from Atlas shrugged)

And another word lost its meaning today

Not writing this with a sunny disposition.

Nor am I apologetic for being politically incorrect here.

After following the news of Naxal attack today and hearing some absolutely shocking words from the so called concerned and shocked people,I could not stop.

A few more words vanished today from the dictionary,few outsd from memory,

As I see red borders being errected by naxals,the maos who killed 24 of paramilitary.

Faces on the tube,seem to tell me,don’t judge the violence through black and white,

Which is funny,because the only colour on my lense of perception,is red,crimson,bloody bright.

It is a class struggle,he said,revenge against the opressive state by the masses,and that they will fight year after year,

Left me even more confused,in a mental torpor,thinking,is masses a bigger number than a dead innocent bystander?

The politicos condemn,another word without no meaning anymore,and get back to their petty games,these social zealots,

They,I realize,are colour blind,sensitive to only verdant and colour of colour less ballots.

Oh!foolish me, the danger lurked from the Red and Green,outside the nations,them the perpetrators,I thought,

Where as they laugh ( mirthlessly ) and say, look carefully,at those pointed fingers curled inwards,you bigot.

Some want a Vidharbha,some a Bodoland,some a Telangana,and some will go to any extremes to get a pure maratha reigm,forming a new ,Independent mayhem,

Punjab,Sindh,Gujarat,Maratha,Dravid,Utkala,Banga,they all sound like unrelated pieces,not from my country’s national anthem.

Like an Anti Hulk,imploding,my country,whose borders are getting shorter,marred by blood and hate,

Who is responsible for such a mutation,as this self destructing mechanism ticks,unabate.

Kill,I shout,kill as many as you can,but heed this warning,do not take off the blindfold of your twisted warped ideologies ,do not see humans beyond your missions,

For you would not be able to justify that red,oozing out from that body,to a wailing mother,wife and still being breast fed son.

No answers I have here,as I support that begrieving family,lying,consoling them not to fear and cry,

As I pick up the dictonary and see the meanings missing out for words like peace,secularism,tolerance,justice and above for a phrase which said,Bharat mata ki Jaya.