Path?

We all are living some kind of quite desperation.It stays alive,alive when we lose,fall on our faces miserably, even more so when we win...feel like a fucking imposter,a bloody fraud who is not meant for all these praises because frankly speaking ,I am not worth it.Why are these people saying twisted sweet nothings which cuts through my skin harshly like a barbed wire...or some sharp cane that was used in school... Not on me though... Coz I was safe there...good boy u see...and I am good even now...being a little different calls for balls.All I wait for is the next failure to prove to myself that I am worthless. And somehow it is a relief in proving that to self.
Now I am not sure that these words are a testament to reality or is it just those few minutes I have when I am not busy running on the treadmills, or is it because I am watching tamasha once again and it seems fancy to associate self with the protagonist who is living a life of turmoil and desperation. Possibly all of them. Or probably I met Ruskin bond today who is darn content doing what he is doing at 80.Or is it reading marukami who is just hurting me with every word he writes.
Or may be I realize I am not strong enough and struggling between my hipocracy and imposters syndrome.
Questions like,if I cant prove myself here will I be able to do anything elsewhere? Will I be able to live my dream if I can't prove my worth in eyes of who all are watching?
Freaking confusing.
Can I step up,weather the challenges today or is it time to pick entirely new battles and say fuckall to gauntlets thrown,strewn all around me... Or are they a noose...I am too tired for this shit.
Should I just accept what is Today like and be happy... And it is not bad today to be honest... Keep at it and hope it will get better.
Or do I thrash all of today for a tomorrow which scares the shit out of me.
Again, am tired for this shit today.